depression · healing · peace · self-image

Definition

Hello Dear Readers. Today I would like to ask a question. I could answer it- and will answer it- as it pertains to me, but this question is a question for everyone. A question that can be answered in limitless ways.

Why do we let one thing and one thing alone define us?

What I mean by this question is, why do we let our actions and processes be guided by one certain factor, either in our own personal lives or our public lives? I myself have been folly to that particular outlook many times, and only recently started asking myself why, and asking myself if it was something that I could consciously try and change.

The factor that I let affect my every move, dear readers, is of course depression. Knowing something to be true exacerbates it, in my opinion. Before I had an official diagnosis, I knew I was unusually sad over nothing pretty much all the time, and it reflected in the ways that I approached things- I would be pessimistic, and negative about things. But once I got the diagnosis, things changed.

At this point in my life, things are on the better side of changed- not so when the diagnosis first came about. I didn’t even approach things with negativity any more, mostly because I didn’t approach them at all. I asked myself what the purpose was, and then decided in most cases that there was no reason for me to put any effort into anything that didn’t expressly have some purpose for me to follow.

But why? For me, it’s all about living up to labels, whether good or bad. And for me it goes back to childhood. I am, and most of my friends and acquaintances are, the types of people that let other people’s expectations define them. It’s something that I’m sure the population as a whole could get better at, and it’s something I now strive every day not to do. I don’t want to be a pawn for someone else, I want to carry out my hopes and dreams, and live life in a way that makes me happy, even if it might displease a few people along the way. Dear readers, I can only hope that you all have found, or are finding, a happy place for yourselves, where you can live the life you want to live, and not the life that someone else wants you to live.

depression · healing · hope · self-image

Road blocks and mirrors.

In every part of your life, there will be road blocks. No matter what you are doing. It could be as simple as making a bowl of cereal and finding that you have no milk, or it could be bigger. Something like trying so hard to be happy and finding out that a family member is dying, or your pet ran away. That’s not to say that every road block along the way is going to be huge and life-altering, but there is always something that is going to get in your way.

My own personal road block is, at this moment, self-esteem. Dealing with this thing for so long, and feeling a certain way for so long, has left me largely unable to view myself in a positive light. A huge setback in my journey. Most days, my thought process is something along the lines of “why do I deserve to be happy. I’m too fat to look good, so why bother dressing up. I’m too ugly to love, why bother trying to maintain a relationship”.

As easy as it is to go through life like this, no one can. Know though, dear readers, that having some sort of positive self-image will help massively along the way. When you dress a bit nicer, or put on a dash of lipstick, or even just put on a cute pair of shoes, it makes a world of difference.

You may be thinking “that’s crazy”, but let me tell you a little story about myself.

Just a few weeks ago, I wore sweatpants on the regular. T-shirts and tennis shoes, no makeup, hair in a messy bun. Every day the same. Every day predictable. After taking my medication for a few days, I was already feeling slightly better about life, and seeing a few things differently. I decided to dress up nice, to project some of the things I was feeling.

That day, dear readers, I realized just how much self-image really does mean. I received a couple of compliments that day, mainly on my change in appearance and how it made me look happy. Those compliments made me feel like I was actually worth someone’s second glance or someone’s spare thought. It was an uplifting feeling, and I realized that I wasn’t invisible. Now please don’t mistake compliments as happiness. Happiness is not and should not be based on what other’s think of you or see from you. But, dear readers, do realize that the negative images that others have of you do somewhat affect your own self-views.

Don’t ever give up on yourself just because you think you don’t deserve it. Look in a mirror, look at yourself how someone else might see you. Highlight those things. Highlight something you like about yourself. Like the way you smile? Wear lipstick. Like the way your hair curls at the ends? Wear it down or put a ribbon in it, don’t just pull it back. Little changes all add up, and theĀ mirror outside reflects on the mirror inside.