depression · healing · hope · self-image

Road blocks and mirrors.

In every part of your life, there will be road blocks. No matter what you are doing. It could be as simple as making a bowl of cereal and finding that you have no milk, or it could be bigger. Something like trying so hard to be happy and finding out that a family member is dying, or your pet ran away. That’s not to say that every road block along the way is going to be huge and life-altering, but there is always something that is going to get in your way.

My own personal road block is, at this moment, self-esteem. Dealing with this thing for so long, and feeling a certain way for so long, has left me largely unable to view myself in a positive light. A huge setback in my journey. Most days, my thought process is something along the lines of “why do I deserve to be happy. I’m too fat to look good, so why bother dressing up. I’m too ugly to love, why bother trying to maintain a relationship”.

As easy as it is to go through life like this, no one can. Know though, dear readers, that having some sort of positive self-image will help massively along the way. When you dress a bit nicer, or put on a dash of lipstick, or even just put on a cute pair of shoes, it makes a world of difference.

You may be thinking “that’s crazy”, but let me tell you a little story about myself.

Just a few weeks ago, I wore sweatpants on the regular. T-shirts and tennis shoes, no makeup, hair in a messy bun. Every day the same. Every day predictable. After taking my medication for a few days, I was already feeling slightly better about life, and seeing a few things differently. I decided to dress up nice, to project some of the things I was feeling.

That day, dear readers, I realized just how much self-image really does mean. I received a couple of compliments that day, mainly on my change in appearance and how it made me look happy. Those compliments made me feel like I was actually worth someone’s second glance or someone’s spare thought. It was an uplifting feeling, and I realized that I wasn’t invisible. Now please don’t mistake compliments as happiness. Happiness is not and should not be based on what other’s think of you or see from you. But, dear readers, do realize that the negative images that others have of you do somewhat affect your own self-views.

Don’t ever give up on yourself just because you think you don’t deserve it. Look in a mirror, look at yourself how someone else might see you. Highlight those things. Highlight something you like about yourself. Like the way you smile? Wear lipstick. Like the way your hair curls at the ends? Wear it down or put a ribbon in it, don’t just pull it back. Little changes all add up, and theĀ mirror outside reflects on the mirror inside.

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