Quick Update · school

First Day Tomorrow

Hello my dear readers. I’ve gotten all moved into my apartment, and gotten all my books for classes. I start bright and early tomorrow at 8 am. SO far, everything has been going pretty great. To be honest I didn’t even get books last semester until about three weeks in, so I’ve already got a jump start on last semester by a long shot! Hopefully, that will continue throughout the semester.

Despite the better start I’ve already gotten this semester, I’m still pretty nervous. I don’t really know what to expect from my courses. I can only hope that I haven’t given myself too much of a workload with 21 hours of classes…. I suppose I’ll update tomorrow on how my MWF classes go. TTYL!

Advertisements
depression · healing · peace · school · self-image

Moving In

I’m getting my key to my school apartment tomorrow, and starting to move some stuff in. Dear readers, you’re not going to believe this, but I’m actually looking forward to this upcoming semester. Something seems different about this one. I just feel like this one isn’t going to be so troubled. I’ll be making new friends, taking courses on the opposite side of campus, I’m living somewhere new, and I think its going to be great.

That said, dear readers, I have a lot of stressful times coming up, and I’m honestly not sure how my sense of self or outlook on life are going to be affected, if at all. I can only hope that a fresh view helps me to get out of the rut that college has been for me so far.

depression · Quick Update · school

Back to School

Well, dear readers. It’s that time of the year again. Back To School Season. I go back in ten days. I move back in in seven days. Exciting, but I can’t help wondering how this semester is going to go…

It seems as if all of my problems bubbled up to the surface and spewed everywhere at college. The problems I had existed and were a part of me long before I go to college, but college just fueled the explosion. I can only hope that this semester will go well.

 

depression · healing · peace · self-image

Definition

Hello Dear Readers. Today I would like to ask a question. I could answer it- and will answer it- as it pertains to me, but this question is a question for everyone. A question that can be answered in limitless ways.

Why do we let one thing and one thing alone define us?

What I mean by this question is, why do we let our actions and processes be guided by one certain factor, either in our own personal lives or our public lives? I myself have been folly to that particular outlook many times, and only recently started asking myself why, and asking myself if it was something that I could consciously try and change.

The factor that I let affect my every move, dear readers, is of course depression. Knowing something to be true exacerbates it, in my opinion. Before I had an official diagnosis, I knew I was unusually sad over nothing pretty much all the time, and it reflected in the ways that I approached things- I would be pessimistic, and negative about things. But once I got the diagnosis, things changed.

At this point in my life, things are on the better side of changed- not so when the diagnosis first came about. I didn’t even approach things with negativity any more, mostly because I didn’t approach them at all. I asked myself what the purpose was, and then decided in most cases that there was no reason for me to put any effort into anything that didn’t expressly have some purpose for me to follow.

But why? For me, it’s all about living up to labels, whether good or bad. And for me it goes back to childhood. I am, and most of my friends and acquaintances are, the types of people that let other people’s expectations define them. It’s something that I’m sure the population as a whole could get better at, and it’s something I now strive every day not to do. I don’t want to be a pawn for someone else, I want to carry out my hopes and dreams, and live life in a way that makes me happy, even if it might displease a few people along the way. Dear readers, I can only hope that you all have found, or are finding, a happy place for yourselves, where you can live the life you want to live, and not the life that someone else wants you to live.

healing

Emotions

Hey there, beautiful readers. Today I wanted to talk about emotions. And especially emotions when going through something like depression and trying to regulate and get better. Are they even real?

Some days, I feel nothing at all. It’s as if I’m an empty shell of a person, just moving around like a puppet. Other days, I can go through every emotion I know in the matter of minutes. But no matter the emotional day, I always find myself asking one key question… Are they mine?

Before I started on an antidepressant, I basically never felt anything. So now that I experience such a broad range of emotions on a constant basis, it can be confusing.

I often find that when I am particularly happy or content, I ask myself if it’s actually me being happy and content, or if its just a surge of something from the medicine. If I stopped taking the medicine, would I still have these emotions? And why are there so many of them? Is that actually what I’m feeling, or is that the emotional side affects that can be present while taking that medicine?

Dear readers, as you can probably imagine, such an unstable idea of what’s really going on can be immensely stressful. And at times, I can be very overwhelmed. But I think that even if all of the newfound emotion I have within me is a direct affect of the medication, I can live with that, because for the first time in a long time, I feel more human.

Next time you have an emotional moment, remember this; even if it’s bad, at least it’s there.

Quick Update

Back For Good

Well dear readers, I’m back. Life has been quite turbulent lately, but things have gotten back to normal lately. I’m going to try to get back to posting on a more regular basis again. In the mean time, I’m catching up with an old friend for dinner tonight. We’re going to Applebee’s. I haven’t seen her in a few years, although we’ve made sporadic efforts to chat on Facebook every now and again. So I hope things go well, I need more female friends!

Now that my life is more regulated and I will be getting back into this blog, I just want to say thanks to any readers who also get back into it. I know there aren’t many of you, but you all are wonderful, and it makes me quite happy that anyone bothers to read it! Talk to you later!

 

Uncategorized

Back to Normal

Hey there dear readers. First, an apology is due. The past few weeks have been absolutely mad, between finals week, moving back home from college, and starting my new job. So, my apologies for being away so long.

Now, let’s get into normal. What is normal? Well, over the years, I’ve learned that normal is different for every single person. But what is my normal? That, my dear readers, is something that I have yet to learn.

I can remember a time when I felt carefree and light. That is what I am currently striving for. I strive to be as full of ease and comfort in my everyday surroundings as I was back then. That was before I started caring too much about what others thought of me, and putting too much pressure on myself to live up to the expectations of everyone, regardless of the different directions I was being pulled in. That seems to me like it’s how one’s whole life ought to be.

I honestly don’t know if that’s normal or not, but to me, that’s the time in my life when I was happiest. Now, I realize that as an adult, that isn’t necessarily something I may be able to replicate perfectly, but I believe I can reach some version of it. So, dear readers, do not think me naïve for attempting to obtain a goal that isn’t realistic.

Now. How to get there….